More Pain But Then who Cares

So who do explain to someone how much pain you are in when they even don't care? I know they dont. What do my adoptive parents care about any way. All this all is for nothing, but who cares that it hurts. Since i moved out and been to hospital they look at me with such hate that i think im done trying to build bridges but at least i can say i tried and i gave my best. Maybe i really dont have a family that i am one of those who are on their own but at least i know that when i am alone and live alone im happier and no one and i mean no one can tell me what to do with my life now. I can take care of myself more than other people can take care of me. When i told my adoptive mom that my adoptive dad scared me and i meant it because all men do because of all the abuse in my life but she said it couldn't be true so if she couldn't help me then how was i not supposed to go to hospital and get help? Sometimes i wonder what were they thinking? I dont knw honestly i question them but then what person in my position wouldn't!

Lies Exposed

What people try to hide so much is often found out one way or another? So how come is it so hard for my legal guardians to tell me the truth of why the heck they adopted me? Why? What is the real reason and purpose behind it all? They can't hide it forever and i will find out one way or another. They yell at me for hiding the truth from them yet it makes it ok for them not to tell the truth. Now what kind of psychology is that. Every human fiber of me is aching and has been for almost seven years now. So all the 'i love you' must never been real.... and maybe they are as worse as my biological parents they pretty much did same things as my biological parents let see... verbal abuse oh my plenty of tht, physical abuse---well i might not call it tht but they did get physical with me and my brother oh and emotional abuse that is what they are good at. They called my biological parents bad parents but they are not better and not even close. To escape their lies they emerse themselves in religious crap and not that im saying religion isnt good but im not even sure if they actually believe for if they did they would not act like they do. Pretending is something they are really good at. They put on a mask on and pretend like they are good but reality is they are bad and there is no way around tht. Should i go on? Hell yes! I can go into details but they will never want that information exposed. And i couldn't till now. And until i get answers from them for the adoption question especially im gona be posting things online till i get those answers. Starting today!

I shall Not Want

JAMES 4:1-10

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says 'He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us?' But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourself therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the LORD, AND WILL EXALT YOU."

Our loving heavenly Father has more than enough for everyone.

-Julie Ackerman Link

The secret of contentment is

To let the Lord supply;

Just do your part and put God first

And on His Word rely

-D. De Haan

MOST IMPORTANTLY WE SHOULD REMEMBER THAT OUR NEEDS WILL NEVER EXHAUST GOD'S SUPPLY....I THINK WE NEED TO REMIND OURSELVES OF GOD'S TRUTH AND THAT IS SO CRUSIAL

I, Me, Mine

Philippians 2:3-4

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Selfishness does not really change from one generation but remains a problem throughout the year.....its just bad. I mean we always have a chance to ask ourselves what can i get me, and how this thing is mine. And its all about me me me. Working with little kids i can see that even in the little baby because its part of our sinful nature but as we grow and mature we should be able to work on it. Not only that but selfishness divides us all the time....

I read the Daily Bread for my devotions, my time i spend with God which should be more but its not because my self get in the way. What would our community would look like if everyone was not selfish? Think about it? I cant wrap my head around it. A lot of pain would be gone to because out of our selfishness we are causing pain to a lot of people around us.

What would a documentary of your life reveal? Selfishness or selflessness? We must look out for one another, for selfless concern will prevent division and build unity in our church families.

- Bill Crowder

Lord, let me live from day to day

In such a self-forgetful way

That even when i kneel to pray

My prayer will be for others.

- Meigs

A HEART THAT IS FOCUSED ON OTHERS WILL NOT BE CONSUMED WITH SELF

We should remember that. Maybe a good thing to ask is when i do this am i focusing on me or others?

Holding On

What can we hold on? But a better question is who? What are we hiding for? Why not speak the truth? Life is tough and its never easy but that is just the way it is and we can hide all we want but we can run away from God, we cant and its not possible.... Psalm 139:8-12

"If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you."

Here is the truth. So why are we running as fast as we can and what is the point of running from that simple simple truth. I see a person everyday who has truth laid in front of him and its right there for him to just take it but he runs away as fast as he can. Makes me wonder why is he running? Why is he running from the most amazing God and Saviour? And i love him with all my heart and i pray for him day and night in the midst of all my other duties that i have to do during the day. He is hurting so bad that he cant even see it himself. How do you show that to someone who is so stubborn? The answer is you pray and let God do the work. You have to have FAITH, faith in our most beloved FATHER!!!!!! He will set him free and in that day we can all REJOICE because it is the right thing to do. So i am holding on to the TRUTH AND THE LOVE OF GOD WHO LOVES US SO MUCH EVERY DAY WITH HIS ABOUNDING GRACE....

Calling

How do you know what you're calling is in life? Having gone through so much in life and having to go through some of the most horrible things in my life, i realize that God is calling me to something special and something good. You go through something in life that God later in life will use that experience to help others who are going through similar things. Personally God is calling me to counsel people who have been through human traffiking. It is probably one of the things that is not heard of about in the news. War yes. But human traffiking is a world wide thing and i want to minister to those who have been through it because on some small level i was there and i know how these women and even children feel....